Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
