Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
