I just made out with a guy for $7.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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