Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
