My underwear smells like fireworks.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The struggles of a small town man whore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
