My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
