Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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