similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
