that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
