I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
