just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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