He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
