I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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