I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
