If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Welp...herpes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
