Welp...herpes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
