I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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