Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
