just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
