We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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