i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
