Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
