My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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