i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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