Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
3 2 1 whiskey
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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