If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you win again, gameday.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
