So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
