I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
