My brain says no but my pants say off.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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