similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
