i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
