She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
