47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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