he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
