Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
