that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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