forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
