a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
