jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
