Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
