I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
