Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
