Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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