I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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