saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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