im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
