He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
