If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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