At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
