omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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