So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
