he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
