woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
