escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
