Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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