tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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